Well they did it. They blew it all up. Feel better? You should. What an incredible two weeks. The circus has come to Winnipeg and what a show it is.
32,409 came to watch on Friday.
What prizes have the good citizens of Bomber Nation won at this magnificent carnival?
A new “Acting” President and CEO, Wade Miller.
If meals are part of his compensation package the Bombers have bigger things to worry about than all the former management still on payroll.
What? Too soon?
Wade Miller will really have to screw up the last eleven games of the season to get the boot at year’s end. He’ll be judged later on the performance of the GM he hires.
A new “Acting” General Manager, Kyle Walters.
Congratulations son! You’re now in charge of the emotional well being of literally thousands of die hard Bomber fans.
This is kinda like promoting the Dishwasher to Executive Chef isn’t it? A year and a half ago he was the special teams coordinator. Now he runs football operations? I was a big fan of the CFL 18 months ago, that should qualify me to be in charge of the Grey Cup Festival. All sarcasm aside, anyone is better than Joe Mack, but Miller better perform the exhaustive search for GM he promised at the end of this season.
A new Offense Coordinator, Marcel Bellefeuille.
What the hell is with that shirt? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t breast cancer awareness week in the CFL. Doesn’t management usually wear a team issued polo or something to press conferences? They must get them for free. The Bomber Store is literally in the same building. He had to have chosen to wear that all on his own. This can’t be a good omen.
He is an upgrade and none of you can argue it. Without a doubt better than the Goat. Who knows if it’s enough to win but who cares? The Goat is gone.
A new starting quaterback, Max Hall.
Is he pooping his pants?
Max looked better than any of the QBs who have started for the Bombers in 2013 but only in the first half. Was the lack of half time adjustments made by the now deposed Goat to blame? We’ll know more on Saturday!
A new backup quarterback, Buck Pierce.
Can we put him out of his and our misery already? He’s got a bright future as a coach. He’s got no future as a quaterback. He’ll never win us the Grey Cup. There is no point in letting him play anymore. None. Those of you saying he should go back to starting need to stop.
Next week I’m hoping to see this guy:
The Blue Bombers’ newest quarterback, Dumbo, was recently cut from the Redskins’ camp. Here he is tossing the pigskin with RGIII.
A new kicker, Sandro Deangelis.
This was an unexpected development but not entirely undeserved. Palardy has been struggling.
Another recent cut from down South, Stampy, was signed just today to bring in more competition at kicker.
Now What?
We got what we asked for and it’s spectacular. It has been a lot of fun getting emails announcing the execution of so-and-so over the past couple of weeks but who are we supposed to pick on now?
Easy, The Board of Directors.
“We’ll give them a brand new stadium.”
“Then give them a team so bad they can’t win in it!”
“HAHAHA! HAHAHA! MuuuaHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Everyone one of these ass clowns should be fired too. The problem is no one seems to know who has the authority to fire them. It may not even be possible. I googled for a while and couldn’t find out how these serpents are chosen. It almost looks as though they get to pick themselves. I’m not sure where the ‘community’ gets its say. If you know the answer leave it down below.
Tiger-Cats 37 – Bombers 18
So after everything that went down over the bye and the following week Bomber fans actually set an attendance record at IGF. Here’s how they dressed:
Never buy the Jersey of a Blue Bomber quarterback. It has a two week lifespan.
Here’s someone actually giving some thought to how they dress:
This man is smart. He bought a blank jersey and used blue tape. He can have a different name every week! He should chair the Board of Directors.
And then the Winnipeg Blue Bumblers tried to play football.
The Good
The Offence (in the first half)
Max Hall looked sharper than his predecessors and was the victim of several dropped passes. He engineered a lengthy touchdown drive and at several moments looked like the QB we have been looking for. Also, to the surprise of everyone, Terrence Edwards finally came back to life with 172 yards! He was the only one of the receivers out there looking like he gave a shit.
The Bad
The Defence
Let Hank have 250 yards in the first two quarters with blown coverage being the modus operandi of the evening. Now that they are done firing management it’s time to look at firing some of the players, mainly the secondary.
The Ugly
The Offence (in the second half)
Whether it was an O-lineman or the RB who was supposed to protect Max Hall on that hellacious hit from the blindside I am not sure. Things like that get people killed and Max Hall might have brain damage now. The Goat’s failure to make any kind of adjustments at the half were most evident again. Hamilton was able to shut down everything that had been working for Winnipeg after spending a few minutes together in the locker room.
Absolute Vodka Ass of the Week: The Board of Directors
That’s a zedonk, a donkey-zebra hybrid. That is what happens when you leave the Blue Bombers BoD in charge.
For sticking their beaks in things they should stay out of, for not sticking their beaks in things when they clearly need to (letting Joe Mack stay past last season).
Honourable Mention: Kito Poblah who catches as well as Kamau “Shamu” Peterson when he was wearing the Blue and Gold. A reader suggested we trade him for a bag of Obby Kahn’s shawarma. I think that might be a stretch, Obby’s shawarma is really expensive.
Honourable Mention: The offensive line. Just terrible. This is part of Joe Mack’s legacy. They made Chad Simpson look really good at running into them because they couldn’t open any holes.
Honourable Mention: Cauchy Muamba. Why is he an upgrade from Ian Logan? Ian might be slower but he’s much smarter.
Honourable Mention: The Zebras (refs). I’m still mad at them, in part for what they did to that poor donkey’s mom.
Heineken Hero of the Week: The Board of Directors
If these were installed in every work place in the country there would be zero unemployment.
For firing Garth Buchko and hiring Wade Miller who fired Joe Mack who hired Gary Crowton who got fired by Kyle Walters who was promoted by Wade Miller.
Honourable Mention: Terrence Edwards. A veteran leading by example. If only Big Blue had more veterans of his calibre.
All Aboard the Fail Train to Guelph
I stared at this for a solid two minutes trying to think of how that locomotive tipped over on a straight track but I gave up once I realized only someone as mentally challenged as Joe Mack could figure out a way to make it happen. I’m almost ready to move on from him and the damage he did to the club, almost.
The Tiger-Cats have had the Blue Bumbler’s number all year long and this week they go for the series win. Your’s truly has seats behind the Bumbler bench on Saturday. How many other Bomber fans will man (or woman) up with me to brave the verbal onslaught? The over under on the number of pizza crusts flung at my noggin is three. For peanuts it’s 13. I also expect to wear at least one beer. Whether or not that’s mine or someone else’s is something I look forward to finding out.
Remember, strength in numbers! Those who stick with their team through the hard times are the only ones who get to truly feel the joy of a championship victory, whenever that day comes. The others are soulless fair-weather-fans trying to fill the emotional void left from an empty childhood and a series of bad relationships. Take comfort in that and the fact that you will always look better wearing blue than someone dressed in green next time you look at the standings.
Next week I’ll treat you to another first person account of the game and my treatment at the hands of Hamiltonians at Alumni Stadium in Guelph. That’s my best work so don’t miss it!
Did I nail it or am I an idiot? Lemme know in the comments, no registration needed. My wit awaits your taunt. Don’t miss another rant, subscribe via e-mail by clicking follow!
Return to Main
Geography has made us neighbors.
History has made us friends.
Economics has made us partners.
And necessity has made us allies.
Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no cat/bomb put asunder.
What unites us is far greater than what divides us.
None of this is true, just wanted to give a big tabby backhanded pimpslap to swaggerville and wish you all a great season as long as you finish 3rd place in the East or lower and cower in fear every time you play a game with us.
Eat em’ raw!
You should be far more appreciative. Without the Bombers the Cats would be 1-7 and looking over their shoulders at Edmonton. We’re doing our best to prop up a team that can’t fill a 15,000 seat stadium and has to export a game to Moncton. On a semi-related note, can I park on your lawn next season if Tim Horton’s field is finished?
I think of it as spreading the kitten goodness. Why only let Guelph have the all the fun? Right?!
OK, so we’re exporting…
Odd, articulation from Hamilton. Gotta love the genetic blips that allow it to happen. Next thing you know they’ll be speaking English in Saskatchewan. Really sucks that they both play football so much better than we do lately…