“Argos get out!”

It’s about damn time the Argos were finally sold to 2/3rds of MLSE.  The Great Satan has done everything it could to screw them and the CFL but for once they’ve failed to destroy something good.

Although it was certainly sulking behind the scenes, the Great Satan wasn’t crying about anything publicly (though I theorize it may have had a hand in ruining the Argos’ sale presser).  No, many (certainly not all, I want to make that clear) Toronto Football Club fans have been doing enough of that for everyone, out-whining even your petulant 3-year-old son/daughter/nephew/niece/neighbour.

Toronto Football Club?  This is Canada and unless you’re playing Canadian football rules you shouldn’t be calling yourself a “football club”.  The league the “TFC” plays in is called Major League Soccer — no mention of “football” there. An elevator isn’t a lift, a truck isn’t a lorry and a soccer team ISN’T A FOOTBALL CLUB!

Thus, for the remainder of this article I shall refer to them as the Toronto Soccer Club (TSC).

With rumours of an on again/off again Argos purchase floating around MLSE like a malt-flavoured fart, some inbred TSC fan started NoArgos@BMO on Twitter.  I shouldn’t have to explain but in case you aren’t up to speed it wafts down to this: TSC fans claim that the Argos moving into BMO will tear up their “pitch”.

Then, after the official announcement there was #BlackShirtsAtBMO.

“Not a protest. Just a FU,” declared the Facebook page built by U-Sector, supporters of the club. “We know this is futile and we never really mattered and never will.”

That’s a completely asinine thing to write and you are correct, idiots like you don’t matter.

U Sector — The secret TSC Department of Whining and Complaining.

The article goes on to say that BMO is “Canada’s national soccer stadium [sic]”.  What it doesn’t mention is that this moniker is only applied for FIFA events because that organization won’t let MLSE use the sponsored “BMO Field”.  Probably because BMO refused to pay a multi-million dollar bribe to FIFA but I digress.

If it’s “National Soccer Stadium” why isn’t it hosting any soccer events for the 2015 Pan Am Games (or the 2015 Women’s World Cup)?  That’s because Tim Horton’s Field is hosting soccer while “National Soccer Stadium” hosts rugby sevens.  RUGBY SEVENS!  Why haven’t upset TSC fans flung their dresses above their heads over that?  Maybe they feel the inch long metal spikes affixed to the bottom of a rugby boot will be good for aeration?

A rugby “boot” — far less harmful to blades of precious soccer grass than the CFL.

The Vice Sports article also uses the adjective “bloody” multiple times, as does much of the TSC media I’ve read and heard.  I had no idea the TSC had such a rich English heritage.

All this whining and complaining from a collection of fans of a team that’s part of a league that doesn’t mandate any kind Canadian roster component.  Rather, they celebrate the importation of a complete and utter hoser who was only man enough to play about half a season before slithering back to Europe with two bags full of MLSE’s (TSC fans’) money.

No, actually it’s not, he was a bloody big disappointment (so I’m told) and for the love of Canada please stop saying “bloody”.

Ugh. Where to begin?

1. It’s not a “pitch”, it’s a field you pickeys.

2. BMO field is owned by the city of Toronto and is only operated by MLSE under lease.  Why do some TSC fans believe they are entitled to exclusive use of this publicly owned facility?  Should bicyclists have sole use of public roads?

3. TSC has exactly zero claim to any history or legacy at BMO field, where they have been playing for eight seasons, with zero playoff appearances and zero MLS Cup championships.  On the other hand, the Argos have a 29 year history (including one Grey Cup championship) at Exhibition Stadium, the current site of BMO Field and are the oldest professional sports team in North America still using its original name.

4. The Argos will only play 10 home games on the field (excluding any playoff games, something TSC fans know nothing of).  How much carnage can they really inflict on the turf?  As an enlightened individual from Ireland explained to me a week ago, the TSC will likely do more damage to the grass (mud) by playing in April than the Argos will playing a full season.

Anyone in a room with two or more children for longer than fifteen seconds intuitively realizes that kids don’t like to share.  What we have presently is a collection of immature adults, upset about being Toronto sports fans, possibly also upset about living in Toronto, whom are crying over sharing a little bit of dirt and grass for ten out of 365 days a year.

Undoubtedly many cranky TSC fans are wishing they could take their ball and go home.  Do they even call it a “ball” or is there a preferred imported term?

Perhaps there are only a few vocal crybabies and the majority of TSC fans are actually OK with sharing.  Maybe, but even if that’s the case I doubt the Argonauts will be getting any cookies from their new neighbours in 2016.